I did not expect to enjoy G-Force at all. That style of opening is often followed by something akin to "I'm shocked, shocked to admit right here in front of God and all the world that I loved it!", but that's not what I think of it.
Months ago, when G-Force was in first run theatrically and I was busy not supporting it by buying a ticket or going to a press screening by choice, I had a short chat with a good friend. In college, I spent most of my time working with FSU's campus movie theater.
My first student manager, mentor, and friend there was Nicholas Ware, who is now a grad student in Northwest Ohio after an extended stint attempting to conquer the country of Japan. Nick and I would routinely find ourselves in the minority of a group that swelled in size and popularity such that we'd lose out trying to program midnight movies like El Topo and instead get stuck with The Neverending Story (which is in no way a Midnight Movie). I wanted to preface our chat with that bit of trivia, because as soon as I asked what he thought of G-Force, he said, "G-Force is a better action movie than Transformers 2".
I jokingly opened a chat with "do you reckon G-Force is better than Transformers 2?" Below is the chat, largely unedited and messily joined together (but such is online communication).
Nick: BETTER. GIANT. ROBOTS.
MC: I haven't seen either movie. [this was months ago. still haven't seen TF2.]
Nick: TF2 robots are just these sharp, ugly metal shapes that vaguely resemble humanoids. At least the robots in G-Force look like what they're supposed to look like! The thing that was awesome about the transformers toys is that they WORKED. They turned from robot-man into truck and back.
None of the Transformers in the Transformers movies look like the would actually turn into a truck! It's just a slippery CGI fuckfest with photoshop filters. Makes my cock soft.
MC: Basing all my thoughts off the trailers (since I haven't seen either), I think G-Force one-ups TF2 with a better cartoonish villain too.
Nick: Well, except there's a TWIST! The real villain isn't Nighy.
MC: "It's not easy, trying to take over the world" coming out of Bill Nighy's mouth made me almost choke laughing.
Nick: All of it worked better, though. The characters are more believable and they're TALKING GUINEA PIGS.
The humans don't have much to do, but I was surprised how much I liked (and how well rounded) the animal characters (were).
I mean, I don't think G-Force is amazing. But it's a really good sort of segue kids film. The level of action gets them ready for stuff like Iron Man and other soft PG-13s.
MC: Gateway Toy Movie
Nick: My brother's 7-year-old will probably love it. It's tight. Every scene is needed, and works, and it all comes to a head, everything pays off.
MC: I know people whose kids think it's the best movie they're ever seen
Nick: There's no excess. TF2 is nothing BUT excess. It's good storytelling.
MC: The host of NPR's "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me!" said said something along the lines of "you can leave a half hour in, come back two hours later for the credits, and not miss anything. Seen CGI Joe yet?
Nick: Naw. But I will. Because I'm a fucking idiot. I thought Transformers 1 was boring. However, I thought Transformers 2 was boring and racist. Which is a much larger crime.
Nick: You and Devin both.
MC: You should have seen the ridiculous fights people picked with him "reading in racism that wasn't there" in TF2.
Nick: Isn't there? ISN'T THERE?
If this had been a Disney movie, and they were animals, they would have gotten EVISCERATED for it.
Those two robots are supposed to be DUMB BLACK GUYS. There is NO OTHER READING. That is THE READING.
It's not a matter of reading something into it, it's a matter of READING IT.
MC: I've found there's a wave of new and relatively-new web critics who are into helping studio P.R. departments defend hilariously indefensible things like this.
Nick: And you know, I wouldn't have minded how racist Mudflap and Skidz were if they were FUNNY. They were SO... FUCKING... GRATING.
Every attempt at humor in TF2 fell so completely flat.
It's like if someone kicks you in the balls and expects it to be funny TO YOU.
MC: I must have imagined all of my black friends in the office coming in and asking me how "Hollywood" thought the Step'n'fetchit Bots were ok and appropriate and hilarious.
Of course, it was a bunch of white film critics on either side arguing with each other, which made the whole thing more ridiculous.
Nick: They are very appropriate in Hollywood... if Hollywood is still doing minstrel shows.
MC: Speaking of racism, any to be found in G-Force?
Nick: The Tracy Morgan character was surprisingly "jive turkey" free.
Though his (and Penelope Cruz') ethnicities are pretty clear, I don't remember any obvious cheap racial jokes
MC: A kids' gerbil movie with Tracy Morgan in it avoided race humor entirely? I'm asking you to think real hard.
Nick: I think he might of said stuff like crack-a-lackin'
that kind of thing
that's the extent of it
MC: I might pay to see G-Force just to see the 3D version.
Nick: I kept hoping that he'd talk about taking the Steve Buscemi gerbil out behind the plastic house and getting it pregnant.
There is some anti-ferret humor, though.
I really liked the angry Buscemi hamster
MC: What if anything did you like about TF2?
Nick: I mean, it's technically proficient, there's no doubting that, but to no end. The "old man" Decepticon farting a parachute? Devastator having testicles?
I liked the voice work for the most part. Most of the Transformers have really nice, raspy voices. They SOUND like Giant Robots From Outer Space.
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The Blu-ray set comes with a pile of extras that are all aimed at a younger audience. A friend with kids tell me they played it through on repeat four times the first day they had it. The Blu-exclusive "enhanced commentary" includes a couple of the rodents plus Zach Galifianakis in-character. Other Blu exclusives include a featurette dedicated solely to Bruckheimer's work in CG (which someone could write a book about) and another that takes you behind-the-scenes in the 3D animation lab. The quality of modeling, rendering, and animation is really quite impressive.
Extras that appear on the DVD also include the gag reel, deleted scenes, a few music videos, and some in-character featurettes for the kids. Disney was wise to start packing all their Blus with a DVD and a Digital Copy. This hit the street back in December, but I've only recently gotten to it due to the overwhelming pile of stuff I had hit at the end of the year. Never in a million years did I expect to be charmed by this.