I'm busy working on full coverage in various forms for what I saw at last weekend's BNAT 11. The event was the best programmed from top to bottom of the three I've attended. This will have to do until I can crank out all the individual pieces I've been working on since Sunday evening. I have carefully crafted some bits that spoil nothing, but that BNAT attendees will "get" more so than others.
Faust
Being a young, attractive woman exponentially increases one's likelihood of being date raped through supernatural means. Old men will do anything to screw young girls. The Devil is not to be trusted, in case you didn't get the memo.
The Lovely Bones
Being a young, attractive girl exponentially increases one's likelihood of being raped and murdered. Old men will do anything to screw young girls. A career in hip-hop can lead to playing an accountant in a movie 20 years after said career. Digital effects combined with digital photography show their seams every time.
Girl Crazy
Being a young, attractive woman exponentially increases one's likelihood of being stalked and spied-upon. Being the only woman in a desolate Wyoming college town full of red-blooded men is only slightly abnormal. Breaking into song is good for the soul, as are shameless mugging for the camera and vaudeville schtick. Even such brilliant words as "snerpy" and "diljo" can evaporate from the collective consciousness. Recycling songs and major plot points can result in a more generally memorable musical (Crazy for You).
The Red Shoes
Being a young, attractive woman exponentially increases one's likelihood of having men destroy your life by trying to control you. "It is worse to have to steal than to be stolen from." Great films turn around even those most averse to words like "ballet", "Powell/Pressburger", and "British classic".
Shutter Island
Trust everything and nothing, everyone and no one. The existence of the internet can (threaten to) ruin even the best of things in the world.
Le Magnifique
Being a young, attractive woman exponentially increases one's likelihood of being stalked by creepy, sleazy older men. The most inventive and ahead-of-their-time films will categorically diminish their later imitators after just one viewing.
Micmacs
Revenge is a dish that can be served as a warm souffle.
Frozen
Being a young, attractive woman exponentially increases one's likelihood of being trapped in the wilderness with two men who are not resourceful in any way. In the age of cell phones, not carrying one with you in the wilderness is the most moronic thing you could do. While in the process of freezing to death, a soul-searching conversation can reinvigorate you. Not even a frostbitten [body part] can stop you when you are truly determined (that applies in more than one case here). Being a hero only pays off in comic books and their movie adaptations.
Centipede Horror
Being a young, attractive woman exponentially increases one's likelihood of being raped by centipedes. Enchanted amulets would prevent a lot of bad things if you'd just wear it like you're instructed to!
The Candy Snatchers
Being a a blonde female exponentially increases one's likelihood of being raped. Mistreating your special needs child will only bring unhappiness, misfortune, and hilarity. Don't fuck with special needs kids. Growing a conscience is nullified by raping someone, no matter what else you do after the rape. Women can totally enjoy being raped and act like nothing happened later!
Kick-Ass
Girls with firearm and bladed weapon training stand no chance of ever being raped. A brilliant comic book movie does not require an existing mega-franchise as its basis to be viable. Never, ever fuck with daddy's little girl. Referring to Adam West will always be smiled upon. Shooting your child square in the chest can be endearing.
Avatar
Being a young, attractive female exponentially increases one's likelihood of having their species and planet raped. Imperialism is wrong. 3D glasses do not have to make your head hurt. What goes around comes around. Only in the movies does nature seek revenge.
The Moral Of... sprang forth fully-formed from the head of a post I made to my Twitter feed.